I struggled with premature ejaculation and low sexual confidence for years. I avoided sexual encounters with women because I was afraid of ejaculating too quickly, and I was addicted to porn (while being too ashamed to talk about it).
At the same time, I meditated, practiced yoga, listened to spiritual talks, did nightly lucid-dream practice, played in a kirtan band, and had great girlfriends. Can you see the disconnect?
There was zero integration of sex and spirit in my life, and the concept of healthy sexual power was non-existent.
I share this with you upfront, so you know where I'm coming from, and so you know that the practices I'll share with you in this article work (I'm telling you this from personal experience, and from witnessing many men go through their sexual transformations).
If you've ever struggled with anything like this, you're not alone. No matter where you are right now, you have the opportunity to align your sex and spirit and feel sexually incredible, confident, and powerful.
Healthy Sexual Power
Sexual energy is one of the most potent forces in this universe. It lives in your body, and it is a direct connection to the energy that brings all life into this world. With practice, you can cultivate this power and use it to strengthen any aspect of your life.
This idea has been around for a long time in Tantric and Taoist Sexual philosophies, which view sex as a beautiful thing that should be celebrated and treated with reverence. These philosophies both believe that when you build your sexual energy and align it with your intentions and connection to a higher power/purpose, you can achieve greatness.
What is Sexual Energy?
Some traditions say that the foundation of everything in existence is sexual. Look around you – every plant and animal (including us humans) is the direct result of reproduction. Put into other terms, reproduction is the point at which life-force energy takes form.
When you feel sexually aroused, there is a different quality to this energy. It tingles; it's warm; it can feel luscious and can sometimes have pressure behind it. For the sake of this article, THAT is what I'm talking about when I refer to sexual energy. It's the charge you feel in your body when you become sexually aroused (that you didn't feel before).
The Benefits of Building Your Sexual Energy
When you cultivate your sexual energy, you can experience more clarity, more alignment with your life purpose, more confidence, ease, resilience, and a more profound connection with life, yourself, and others. Your ability to make more money increases, your creativity blossoms, and you become more attractive too. Sounds pretty great, doesn't it? It is, and while it's relatively simple, it does take practice and discipline. I'm here to tell you that it's absolutely worth it.
Everything I'll share with you below works; you just have to do it. I promise that if you commit and do these practices, your life will change forever. Okay... let's get into the 7 ways you can build your sexual energy.
1. Learn to Orgasm Without Ejaculation
Why? Because when you have an orgasm without ejaculation (which feels incredible), you gain a tremendous amount of energy. There's no crash after the orgasm like there is with the normal ejaculation. That heightened sexual energy stays in your system, and you can use it like the technicolor star in Super Mario Brothers to supercharge your life.
Another benefit of non-ejaculatory orgasms is that you can have many of them over and over and over. You can ride the waves of pleasure with your partner without entering any refractory period.
To get to this point, there are a few things you'll have to do. The first of which is to completely re-program your beliefs around what is possible in sex. You'll have to overcome premature ejaculation, and you'll have to be able to spread your sexual energy into your entire body during sex (so it doesn't stay localized in your genitals, building up sexual pressure, so you have to ejaculate). I promise you it's possible to get here with practice. I went from painstaking struggles with premature ejaculation to being able to make love for hours while having all kinds of orgasmic pleasure. You can do it too.
2. Practice Semen Retention
On the note of enjoying sex without ejaculation, most men ejaculate 3 to 4 times per week, and the effects of a single ejaculation last for days. Do the math.
In Tantra, the practice of semen retention is referred to as "Brahmacharya." In Taoist Sexuality, it's sometimes called "The Tao of Love." Both systems see your ejaculate as holy and as a substance that should be treated with reverence and love – a substance not to be wasted. Both systems say that when you ejaculate, you release some of your vital life-force energy and that it takes a bit for your system to get back up and running fully. This doesn't mean you can never ejaculate; these systems simply suggest that you should ejaculate at a frequency that is ideal for your ENTIRE being (which is way less often than most men ejaculate). They give some recommendations as to the amount of time between ejaculations, but you are the only person who will be able to figure this out for yourself.
To be clear, I love ejaculating. It feels great, and the experience of sharing this with a partner can be magical (especially when you ejaculate only on occasion). My sexual practice is to have both non-ejaculatory orgasms and ejaculatory orgasms. I choose to retain my semen and ejaculate only once every 10-15 days or so, with as much sex and non-ejaculatory orgasms as I want during that time).
Semen retention is about more than just retaining your sperm – it's a lifestyle practice of noticing any energy leak in your body/mind/spirit and plugging that leak so you can live a fully charged life. There's no point in trying to fill a cup with water if the container has holes in it. Once you plug the holes, then the practice is to increase the size of the cup - and keep filling.
If you want to build your sexual energy and use it to create the life you want, check out my semen retention course for men. It's a 21-day journey that will challenge you in the best ways possible.
For now, let's keep going with this article…
The next major thing you can do to build your sexual energy is:
3. Stop Watching Porn
Porn isn't inherently bad, but I do believe the way most men use it is harmful to us. It disconnects us from ourselves and other people. Porn is just pixels on a screen, and while our body reacts to it, there is ZERO energetic connection between you and the humans in that scene.
Have you ever paid attention to how you feel after you watch porn? The minutes, hours, and days after? After I watch porn, I feel depleted, energetically drained, and I lose some level of connection with the people around me. The physical arousal from porn combined with the lack of connection to myself or a lover really does a number on my system... I'm guessing you feel the same.
Remember that porn is specifically created to be as stimulating/addictive as possible, and no human could compete with a video that is professionally edited to switch camera angles every 7 seconds. Porn desensitizes us to the magical energy of sex that's available within our own body and in connection with real humans.
4. Do a Regular Morning Practice
If you want to build your sexual energy, then it's essential to live a proactive life. Instead of looking at your phone when you wake up, choose to prime your body, mind, and spirit with some sort of practice that aligns you with your purpose and connects you with life. I rotate between 4 practices in the morning: breathwork, qigong, walking meditation, or yoga.
My life changed when I started a consistent morning practice. I don't think the importance of this can be put into words, but I'll try.
When you start your day with proactivity (instead of the reactivity that comes with looking at your phone), you are training your system to be more proactive in general. This has profound effects on the decisions you make throughout your day, and living a proactive life is very helpful when it comes to learning how to have non-ejaculatory orgasms and mastering the art of semen retention. These things take discipline and substantial committed action.
To take your practice one step further, let's move on to the 5th thing you can do to build your sexual energy:
5. Integrate Your Sexuality With Your Spiritual Practice
Here's a personal example. When I do yoga, I incorporate awareness of my genitals and sexual energy into the poses. When I do qigong, I often run my hands over my genitals in the forms. Sometimes to build and integrate my sexual energy, I will masturbate (self-pleasure) for a few minutes without ejaculating and then immediately do a yoga, qigong, or breathwork practice.
Whatever practice you do, a great way to begin playing with this integration is to pleasure yourself for a few minutes without ejaculating, and then go right into your spiritual practice. Notice what happens. Can you integrate this energy? Can you stay focused? What comes through?
If you want to take it one step further and try something incredible and edgy (at least it was edgy for me), you could stand naked in front of a mirror and gaze into your own eyes while you pleasure yourself. While looking into your own eyes, see if you can access that part of yourself that is life – that is Consciousness. That part of you that is connected to all things. You are your own greatest lover. If you can do this with yourself, just imagine what presence you can bring to ANY scenario in life.
Here's the fundamental concept I want you to take from this: sexual energy is powerful, your sexual choices impact your entire life, and you have the opportunity to harness this energy and use it for good. When you do, I promise you your life will be better than you could have imagined.
And remember this… You can do all of the sexual and spiritual practices in the world, but if you're not getting enough sleep, eating healthy foods, and drinking enough water, it won't matter. Be mindful of all of your life choices – they have a real impact (and I'm saying this for myself too).
If this article has helped you in any way, please share it with a friend. The world needs more of us to speak up.
I hope you have a beautiful day wherever you are in the world.
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