Overcome The Feeling Of Self-Harshness And Resentment

articles self-care Jul 19, 2020

Does it feel like someone's always following you around and checking out what you are doing? Does it feel like you're criticized all the time and that this person points out your mistakes? Unless you're actually being stalked, more than likely, this person is you.

Self-hate can make you feel awful. You might not be fully aware of it, but several of your thoughts are actually signs of low self-esteem.

"I knew I would fail."

If you have this strange feeling about failing even before you've even begun, then that's a sign that you need to believe in yourself more. 

"Why should I even try?"

If you ask yourself this just so you can talk yourself out of trying something new, you need a confidence boost. Get out of your comfort zone and try. 

"I'm a loser."

Remember that you only become a loser when you quit even before trying. 

"No one wants to be around me."

Thinking that your life is dependent on other people who like you will not do you any good. Instead, focus on loving yourself. 

Your hate fuels the relentless criticism that you get from yourself. But you can always have a different kind of life. Learn to stop hating yourself for being you. That's the time when you can begin to nurture your relationship with other people.

Have you ever wondered what to do when you hate your life? The first step is to try to figure out what fuels hatred. 

Why Do You Hate Yourself? 

Self-hate is something that you develop from within over time. It is usually triggered by several factors, including perfectionism, trauma, social comparisons, and false expectations. 


Many of those who have developed a hatred for themselves have been through an experience that challenged them emotionally. These include physical, emotional, and sexual abuse or neglect. 

In their desire to cope with their present life, they begin to develop the narrative wherein they feel they are not worth loving. These same hateful statements have been thrown at them by people they respect and love, so that's all they know. 

All too easily, these hurtful words begin to change who they are and how they love themselves. 

False expectations

While it is normal to want to belong and be accepted, sometimes, people set a high expectation of themselves. So when they fall short of their expectations, they begin to criticize their capacity to do things. 

And because they have disappointed themselves one too many times, they fail to recognize the rational side of things. They become unreasonable, and their inner criticisms continue to make statements that only drive them to hate themselves even more. 

Trying to please everyone

In an effort to connect to others, some people do things that will only please the group where they want to belong. When they finally make these people happy, they think that they are making themselves happy too. 

If you feel like you always have to prove yourself to your "friends," then you are treading on the wrong path. 

Being a perfectionist

A perfectionist is someone who does not give himself or others any room to commit an error. They want to make sure that everything that they do is perfect. With the perfectionist mindset comes great responsibility. 

Instead of focusing their ability on completing a project, they give in to the strong urge to get things done perfectly. From there, they develop feelings of disconnection and disappointment. 

How Do You Stop The Cycle?

Living with all that hate can be overwhelming and isolating, not to mention exhausting. Luckily, there are steps you can take to help you put an end to that self-hate cycle. Moving forward, here are positive things you can incorporate in your life. 

Be in control of that inner critic

If you are struggling with self-loathing, it means that the inner critic in you has become relentless. Deal with that hateful narrative and just put a stop to it. Slow down and learn to forgive yourself for the mistakes that you make.

Look beyond the mistakes and focus on the facts at hand. Sometimes, it is not about getting all things right. Life is about learning from your mistakes and making sure you won't make the same mistakes again. 

Identify your strengths

It can be quite tough to identify the strengths that you have if you are too focused on hating yourself. If you find it difficult to list all the things that you think you are good at, maybe asking a friend could help. 

Ask a trusted friend to help you point out the things that you are good at. Sometimes, it is easier to trust others when they point out your strengths than when you do it yourself. 

Recognize compliments

It can be tough to take compliments seriously whenever you're suffering from self-hatred. Sometimes, getting compliments from people puts you in an embarrassing situation. Their kind words can sometimes make you feel vulnerable. 

Learning to appreciate the compliments that other people give takes some time. It takes a lot of practice to overlook one's idea of themselves to give way to the good words that people give them. When they tell you how good you are at what you do, say thank you and stop right there. Sometimes, you can become too self-critical that you forget that some people's kind words are all that you need to hear today. 

Pause for a moment and think. What do you love about yourself? At some point, you will see that there is something about you that's worth all the love. No matter how simple it is, goodness is inside of you.

Love yourself. Nobody could ever show you the kind of love you could show yourself. Be more forgiving. Give yourself some room to make mistakes so that you could grow. Shower yourself with love. In the end, you will see that it is all for the better. 



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