Life is not making sense, is it?
Are you ready for the awakening? You thought you knew everything there was to know about the world, about reality. In fact, you were quite comfortable with the worldview you had accumulated over the course of your life. Things were going well. You felt that you were in control and you had no reason whatsoever to enact a change in your life, and yet it has happened all the same.
Whether it dissolved or completely detonated. The world shifted, right before your eyes. Now you find yourself in this strange, liminal space, a space between worlds. You’ve lived in the old world for so long that this new reality overwhelms you. It may even fill you with equal parts adventure and terror. The page has turned and a new chapter forces its way into your mythic story.
At this point, you are completely unsure of whether or not you are starring in a cosmic adventure, a rude joke, or an utter tragedy.
Part of you may feel as though you are going insane. Every time you have mentioned the strange occurrences in your life to those close to you, they look at you with fearful curiosity. Or worse they chuckle at your seemingly impossible observations. Perhaps you’ve done this to yourself from time to time. “No way, I’m crazy, there is no way, common sense tells us…”
I’m talking about seekers, I am one, you are one, and we are growing exponentially. Along with this disintegrating view of the world, you have found yourself seeking answers. Haven’t you? You've probably even divined an explanation or two, that might seem "off" or "weird".
It is ok to admit it, and in point of fact, it is healthy and helpful. Admit to yourself right now that a change has occurred within you.
Stop reading this right now and close your eyes. Take a deep breath and center yourself. When you feel relaxed, say aloud, “I’ve changed. My life has changed and it's going to be just fine.”
Either way, you’ve taken the next step on your unknown journey, the path I call awakening. Awakening is a word that many believe they understand. I would challenge you to take a second look. When you wake from a dream, I’m talking about a really good dream. You know the one that you just can’t seem to let go of. How do you feel? Let down, disappointed? Anxious?
Well, this is what the process of awakening can be like. For some seekers the awakening is gradual, for others it happens in a flash of brilliant, albeit terrifying light. Sometimes it feels like the universe itself is cracking open. Like a cosmic egg! Beyond the walls that used to form the boundary between our world spirit just comes pouring through. Then it starts causing changes that cause discomfort, pain, and anxiety.
The answer is that we have romanticized "the awakening". We have imagined it to be something that it is not. Ninety-nine times out of a hundred awakening is uncomfortable. Remember growing pains? Remember high school? Expansion straight up hurts! Expansion forces us into new situations that challenge us to grow beyond them. These ebbs and flows are everywhere in our lives. At home, at work, at school, at church or temple, no matter where we go. Expansion carries this quality of discomfort bordering on and sometimes evolving into pain.
The good news, or the Gospel of the Seeker, is that this period of expansion eventually gives way. When they subside we are led to greener fields. Then we are presented with some of humanity’s greatest treasures. Peace, tranquility, and wisdom.
I remember my own entrance into what the mystics, sages, and seekers of old call, the Dark Night of the Soul. My spirit was starved and my thirst felt incapable of being slaked. There was a great hole straight through the center of me. I abused alcohol, drugs, sex, food, technology, and every facet of my life. I was an addict because the only thing that came close to masking the spiritual vacuum in my life was a dopamine or serotonin rush.
“Upon the dark road you are travelling, do not seek out the light, the illusion, the fallacy and incessant need for all things external. Have no fear, take the darkness as your comfort because you are the light shining in the dark.― LJ Vanier, Ether: Into the Nemesis
You just need to find the spark.”
I operated in this fashion for over twelve years. I denied the ache, the call of the spirit and forced myself into a life of pain, neglect, and regret. My life was a rudderless ship on the cimmerian waters of a void ocean. The call of the spirit had become so minute that I could hardly hear its call. All I heard was the resounding thrashing of my ego and the deafening denial of my previous worldview. I had given up on the realm of spirit and was certain I would never return to its mysteries. That was until it throttled me in a way that I could no longer resist.
“While the Dark Night of the Soul is a process of death, the Spiritual Awakening Process is the rebirth.”― Mateo Sol, Awakened Empath: The Ultimate Guide to Emotional, Psychological and Spiritual Healing
The reason I abused my life and the lives of others was that I had turned away from the soul. From the deepest, most divine purpose contained within this incarnation. That purpose, to seek wisdom, to heal myself and others, and to love with reckless abandon. In order for this revelation to get through my thick skull, I had to face the "Dark Night of the Soul".
Mine lasted for over twelve years and through a rebirth. I came into the space of awakening and healing that I currently reside in. Abuse has turned into nurturing and nourishment. Addiction has turned to passion. And pain has turned to a joyful love of all.
As a seeker, you will be challenged. You will be uncomfortable, and you will feel as though you are being pulled in a million different directions. You’ll want to explore every topic imaginable. You'll want to begin to make sense of this inexplicable change and I encourage you to do so.
When I came through the tunnel. I found myself placed in front of the bounties of meditation, Reiki, shamanism, energy healing, magic, Druidry, Yeshua, tarot and oracles, Yoga, and more. I believed I had arrived. It was a veritable cornucopia of new experiences. But, yet again, I found myself swimming in more questions than answers, and the reason was...I misunderstood these tools as the answers. All along the answers were within the reach of each breath I took, they lived inside me.
As you continue this remarkable and irreplaceable experience, I challenge you to remember this one fact. That no one else can give you the answers you need. You cannot seek awakening within the work of another, it will always reside solely within you. Others, like myself, may be able to guide you. We may hasten you down that spiraling inner path to the golden spiritual nuggets buried within your own heart and soul.
When you are ready to continue your journey we have the tools, the knowledge, and the community to help you plot your own course!
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