The experience that many people are having where they desire MORE out of their relationships—intimate, family, friendships, coworkers—is a reflection of wishing more out of life . . . desiring a depth of experience that has been suppressed. We are having the feeling of wanting to love people more—to have a deeper, more authentic connection with our friends and family—because we also desire to connect more within ourselves.
The problem that many people have is that they do not know how to love themselves. Therefore they do not know how to love someone else. That's it. While there is not a right or wrong way to express your love, the more attentive we are to our own emotions, the more ability we have to be careful about that of others. We can find a more in-depth connection with others by connecting more genuinely within ourselves first, or simultaneously.
The practice of working through our ideal self-image and our perfect daily experience is how we can get into the love vibration of ourselves and others. So, here is a rapid exercise. If you have a pen and paper with you, take the time to do this. If you are reading without the ability to write things out, please take a moment and find a pen and paper, or read on and do this exercise later.
Here it is. With no limitations—time, money, obligations, anything—write out what a typical day would be for you. You have complete freedom to do, go, be whoever you want. There is nothing that you can or cannot do. Map it out very logistically—I would do this at this time than this at this time. Even if your ideal day is not to have a schedule and to utterly free flow the entirety of your day, quantify it and speak to the feelings of it. Now, take a moment and either write or reflect on this in your way.
Now that you have done this review, specifically your physical self-care, ask yourself, "What in this day is supporting the resilience of my physical body? What, on this day, is supporting the expression of my emotions? What, in this day, is soothing my intellectual curiosity? In what ways am I creatively expressing my highest potential?" The idea is that if we do this exercise and then if we do not have clear-cut answers to these questions, there is an aspect of us that does not know—even without limitations—how to create a day of holistic betterment of self. Then, the idea would be to reconstruct this day with even more attention to your creative and spiritual person. Continually playing this little fantasy out in your mind will create the actual feeling that will draw in this experience, and in the context of this article, provide you the feeling of loving yourself more.
When we can recognize our perception of lacking love or desiring more of an expression of love and connection with others is wholly contained within us. It is not something that is outside of us. We can empower ourselves to make a change. So many people want to attract more love into their life—spousal love, connection with their children, love of their work and services, love of money, friendships, etc.—yet are unwilling to admit that ALL they need to do, as a first and primary step, is to love themselves. Loving yourself can be dually the hardest and most natural thing for us to do. It's seductive to perceive others as giving us love, but that is never actually the case. It takes two to tango, and the experience of feeling loved is completely self-generated—it comes from within not from without.
Don't overcomplicate the process. Say, for instance, you want to have a partner in your life that scratches this itch of a deeper connection. Someone that you can share experiences with. To do this, we have to start somewhere. And there is no better way to start than 1) being gentle and honest with your self-care needs such that you can demonstrate to yourself the type of energy that you would like to attract in as a partner, and 2) being opportunistic to provide kindness and compassion to everyone that you meet. This idea that every interaction that you have with someone is a communication with the great law of attraction as to how you desire to be treated in a relationship. The more that you can beat the drum of whatever emotions you want to feel when you are with your ideal partner WITH each and everyone that you meet, the more that you will be honing your request to the Universe. And the Universe always delivers.
Today, try to find a guided meditation for getting more into the vibration of loving yourself and/or attracting what you desire in a relationship with others.
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