Whether you’re wanting to take a long term relationship to the next dimension of spiritual connection or would like to launch a new love affair from a spiritual foundation, deciding to cultivate a spiritual relationship can take your life to the next level.
Relationships are the lifeblood of the heart and when we weave the awareness and compassion of spirit into our romantic connections we can often either avoid some common relationship pitfalls altogether or navigate them with a greater sense of grace, forgiveness, and awareness.
Rather than being caught in negative and defeating cycles with your lover, cultivating a spiritual relationship can create a meaningful love relationship that actually supports your spiritual growth and allows for positive transformation during tough situations. Let’s take a look at some important focus areas for creating a spiritual relationship.
Do Shadow Work Together
On the spiritual path of life, many of us find reassurance in remembering the light within us that connects us to the divine light. Yet to be of matter and light, we all cast a shadow. Not everyone takes the proper time to focus on our shadow or subconscious aspect. I have a teacher who made the analogy that the subtotal content of our psyche is like an iceberg and only the small tip visible from the surface is the conscious mind and thoughts while the entire massive boulder of ice below the surface is the complex invisible reality of the subconscious. Here lies the shadow- things we are unaware of, fears, programs, un-processed traumas, and fragments of the self that have been suppressed, rejected, or denied, and relegated to the shadows.
Why do shadow work with your partner? Not only do we initiate ourselves into the profound and dualistic reality of our nature by doing so individually, we also choose to face this aspect of our lover, putting us face to face with the dark aspects of their nature, the unhealed parts, not-so-pretty realities.
The benefit here is that rather than being chased by the shadow-which always catches up, we are inviting it to the table intentionally. If we make the conscious choice to accept and see this part of our beloved, we will be better equipped to accept them and to be accepted by them in our acknowledgment of their dual nature.
Welcome Differences in Beliefs and Ideas
In today’s world, it is increasingly common for individuals of diverse religious and ethnic backgrounds to find themselves drawn together. Perhaps the merging of what may feel like opposites is the work of the divine, teaching a greater capacity for acceptance and expansion. Indeed, in our relationships with another person, even if we came from a similar upbringing, we will undoubtedly discover that we have significant differences in our opinions, values, and beliefs.
Life is always changing and evolving and our experiences and relationships will lead to the development and evolution of our ideas and beliefs over time. Being willing to have open discussions with your partner and to approach their thought processes and beliefs with an open mind means there is an opportunity for learning and expanding. If both partners allow for a variety of beliefs that may sometimes seem to clash or differ, there is space created for both individuals to evolve and be accepted simultaneously and for the relationship to feel like an adventure.
Recognize Your Lovers Innate Nature
There are many methods for exploring your partner’s true nature from a variety of perspectives. One fun and fascinating method is by consulting the zodiac. Looking at monthly horoscope readings is a good start, but actually having both partner’s birth chart’s drawn can give you much deeper insight. The birth chart will not only reveal a person’s sun sign, but will lay out the planetary and elemental influences present in all the aspects or ‘houses’ of a person’s essence and life path.
An excellent resource for this is ‘The Only Astrology Book You’ll Ever Need” which comes with software to automatically draw birth charts based on birth time and location. By using the Zodiac and other methods of self-exploration you will get a view into the inner world of your partner and can perhaps discover how your paths may possibly overlap.
Acknowledge the Impact of Gender Roles
Regardless of the gender of two partners, gender roles in our culture and society have always been powerful and pervasive constructs that shape our modes of behavior and living, including how we behave and interact in relationships.
In generations past, of course, gender roles were much more well-defined and the traditions
surrounding gender didn’t allow for many variations. While women were expected to live a nurturing and domestic life, being less assertive and dominant, men were more often the primary or sole breadwinners and were not encouraged to express emotion or sensitivity openly. These trends, however, are changing in this day and age. Men are often stay-at-home dads and women are learning to be more assertive and outspoken.
There is a resurgence in goddess lineages and spiritual practices and a focus on the balance of the divine masculine and feminine energies. Because of this, it is important to gain an understanding of the nature, desires, and expectations of your partner surrounding their beliefs and desires for gender roles in the relationship. What better place to explore, heal, and express a balanced gender identity than in a love relationship?
Create Joint Mindfulness Practices
In order to hold a spiritual focus in your relationship, commit to daily or weekly practices you can do together to maintain your outlook and spiritual connection.
Some ideas include:
-Reading and discussing spiritual literature together
-Taking workshops and trainings and practicing techniques together
-Enjoying time, ritual, and ceremony in nature
-Observe astronomical events together like the full and new moons, eclipses, solstices and equinoxes
-Creating vision boards together
We all wish we could spend every hour with our lovers relaxing in nature or in hours of deep meditation, but for most of us, this is not the reality. From work to children to food preparation car and home maintenance and the list goes on, every aspect of life requires time and effort and these tasks can often pull you apart from your partner, shifting you bot onto different tracks of energy and focus as you go about your day.
Being separately focused on different tasks and operating in different environments can cause a vibrational rift to form making it hard to relax, connect, and understand each other. To remedy this, vibe together. Find some time and space to get back on the same page either through being affectionate, making love, a quick meditation or a walk together in nature.
Have Fun Together
Every relationship needs a regular injection of joy in order to thrive. Remember those early days of being together when the fun felt deep and endless? Was your relationship full of laughter and lightheartedness? Fun, joy, and laughter are medicine and they keep love alive. As time passes in a relationship, we can tend to get into a routine and as we do so, the fun time spent together in pure enjoyment can dwindle and the spark can grow dim.
Search your memory for the times you have laughed the most with your lover and had the most fun.
Look into your memories and notice what you were doing together and then do more of that, and repeat! Maybe it is riding bikes, playing video games, bowling, hiking, watching comedy, or a playful wrestling match. Always remember to lighten up and enjoy each other.
Feed your Relationship with YOU
So far we’ve focused heavily on all the practices, attitudes, and habits that can allow us to thrive in relationship with another soul, yet we mustn’t forget that the primary relationship, and the one from which all our other relationships spring, is the one we have with our own self. We want to be able to offer the best of who and what we are both to our partners and to the world and this cannot be accomplished without a healthy dose of solitude.
In solitude, we can reflect on our relationships, our lives, and our own experiences. Quiet time and downtime is necessary and restorative. In taking time to cultivate ourselves, we continue to be cultivated and tend the interesting and complex being that we are and this benefits everyone in our lives, restoring balance to the inner and outer worlds.
Practice Manifestation Together
We all individually have the innate ability to manifest what we intend and desire; yet when we combine forces with a partner and work from a starting point of mutual love and empowerment, our manifestation potential skyrockets.
You can begin consciously manifesting together by first identifying goals that you both share or setting new goals together. Visualizing your dreams and goals together intensifies the energy behind the manifestation. Infuse your goals with gratitude for all the good you already have in your relationship and life and express that gratitude to your partner for their presence and contribution. Finally, don’t forget to celebrate even the smallest victories. Remember that the manifestation may not happen the way you expect it to and this will help you hold the faith together.
Cherish the Journey Together
Whether we are advanced in our spiritual cultivation together or just getting started out, relationships are never without challenges and setbacks. Yet through all the ups and down, choosing to pursue a spiritual relationship allows us to see and benefit from the underlying meaning behind every experience.
In the end, remember that each moment in this lifetime and every moment with your beloved is unique unto existence. Therefore, celebrate and appreciate the journey, whatever it brings.
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